This Past Weekend Was Pretty Emotional For Me. . .
What is new this time is that the weekend wasn’t emotional because of something that happened outside of me, it was something happening inside of me.
I will admit I have not been a fan of emotions (just the hard ones, I love feeling happy or joyful). To me they feel unpredictable, clumsy, and I have always believed that they cloud good judgement.
This past weekend I would have been so happy to simply put my emotions in a cupboard and hope they were gone when I returned. Although here is the thing, they are never truly gone when you return to the cupboard, they are still there, still creeping into conversations, our responses to questions and even the decisions we make.
To me it’s worse to be unaware that is another force at work in my head when I am listening to a client, friend or family member. I want to be fully present with everyone I interact with. . . So, I guess I will have to deal with my emotions.
What if You Were To See Your Emotions as Helpful Information?
What if this information was a contributor in making good healthy decisions? What if they were also a key component in listening to others and responding with an even deeper wisdom?
Ok so forget what if, they ARE key points of information, vital actually to doing all of those things well. For example, the emotion of anger is telling you that an expectation has not been met. I tell my clients that there are three questions we should ask when we feel anger towards another (but it works on ourselves too):
1) Did I communicate my expectation well?
2) Is my expectation realistic?
3) How should I express my anger appropriately?
I realize that is hard to do in the moment, and it does take practice, but if you look back at the questions and can’t answer yes to the first two. . . Well, my friends, you’re the one with the problem, and letting it spill out onto those around you is simply not fair or appropriate.
Like I Said In The Beginning, Emotions Are Tricky & Unpredictable.
They appear when we least expect it, and when we aren’t prepared, they can cause havoc in our daily lives and relationships. It’s why we have to practice. Practicing paying attention is not easy work, it requires attentiveness to what is going on in our inner self.
It can help to pause at different points of the day to check in and ask ourselves questions about how we are feeling; even how we are being perceived at the office, on the job site or in our circles.
Listen, for all of you out there that are right now reading tis and thinking “this stuff is a bunch of crap” – ask yourself this:
Are you truly connected to your world? Do you hear what your kids are telling you at the supper table or on your way to soccer practice?
I will admit that I haven’t always, and to be very direct, that is not who I want to be, and I suspect it isn’t who you would want to be either. This work I am talking about is important, and in some ways than ordering a new tool for your shop and figuring out how to use it. It might take time to even remember you have that new tool but after a while it becomes one of the ones you use the most.
I say this to encourage us all, definitely not as the expert, or master of my emotions. They kicked my butt this week, but this time I let them do their thing and tried to learn from them. It’s my hope that I will be able to learn from the information I have received and move forward into a healthier and more present future.
Let’s chat and unpack your story!
Corporate or personal coaching.
recesscreek@gmail.com or on our website: www.unpackedpod.ca/coaching
– Evan Dewald
